Do you ever have a moment when the heavens reach down and remind you that you’re not alone? If your answer is no … are you sure about that? St. Hildegard Von Bingen said “All of creation is a song of the Holy Spirit.” We don’t always feel his presence or realize he’s the one working magic behind the scenes, but we are surrounded by God, swimming in a sea of his love for us and sometimes, we are given the grace to realize it.
I hope sharing my story helps you realize the ways God is present in your life.
I was feeling completely exhausted but took my son to his late-night voice lessons anyway because I love how motivated he is to learn, and I appreciate what the arts do for kids. To me, there is a spirituality inherent in the deep reflection and expression of music, along with the positive energy it creates – it’s been a huge blessing for our family in many ways.
On that particular night, his instructor had him sing a song in Italian for the first time, rather than just practicing different notes. I was shocked to hear his voice sink into a deep vibrato that stirred my soul. My eyes welled up, and goosebumps covered my body. I could suddenly imagine him singing as a cantor in Mass with great dignity and two thoughts at the same time: “My God, he has a gift” and “Be cool, don’t let him see you’re crying.” I had no idea he could sing like that, and … he’s 13.
As if that wasn’t enough of a heartwarming experience, I was very surprised to feel a sense of Mother Mary wrapping her mantle around me, putting her hands on my shoulders and giving me a warm hug, watching and listening with me over my shoulder, seeming glad that I was having this special moment with my son. This, too, made me tear up and gasp in awe.
I did not feel deserving of her presence in a mystical way like that. Having traded in my lifestyle of contemplative prayer for a job in ministry, along with a bustling house full of teenagers and a seven-year-old – though I truly found enjoyment in the blessings of the season, I’d also been quite harried, not feeling holy or spiritually connected at all. I knew I was “too busy” but felt called to all the things and didn’t know what committment I could possibly have the heart to let go of. Though I still made time for a daily Rosary and Divine Mercy Chaplet and was doing my best to live out what I felt was my calling, exhaustion and self doubt were daily struggles. I often felt too rushed to settle into a deeper meditation, where I’d found such reassurance in the past.
Also – though I deep down 100 percent felt we were doing the right thing for our kids due to our unique circumstances, our choice to send our high school kids to an inner city public school instead of the local Catholic high school was a hard one because it sometimes made me feel like an odd one out in our faith community and tempted me to self doubt.
And, I am just very human and imperfect, in general! Need I say more? Aren’t we all? It is hard to feel worthy of the presence of the Holy Spirit.
But still – she reached down and put her mantle over my shoulders anyway – out of nowhere. What a gift! To feel seen, named, known and validated by God through my Heavenly Mother and to share that moment of marveling at my son’s gift with her in spiritual communion.
Mary’s presence reassured me that I’m on the right path, a unique path and that God has planned for me and my family. At my church, we sing a song “Lead us on, Oh Lord – Lead us on. Lead us where we dare not go.” Essentially, that’s what I’ve been doing these past few years – following Jesus into brave spaces, where I am called in motherhood and ministry.
It’s not the first time God called me past my comfort zone. When I studied the theology of spirituality and contemplative prayer, I felt like the only one doing that too, as it seemed like everyone was caught up in the busyness of their schedules whereas I was asked to focus on stillness and deep inner healing work. By dedicating myself to meditation, soaking in scripture and praying through the mundane tasks of motherhood, I learned that God’s love is an accessible source of nourishment, which can be tangibly experienced in the depths of our souls as a deeply transformative force of good – a priceless gift worth the sacrifice of stepping away from the crowd.
On a deep level, I learned that our worth is not measured by what we do or accomplish – it’s inherent in who we are as beloved children of God. Silently communing with God is doing something. Prayer matters. Faith the size of a mustard seed really is more than enough. That was a hard lesson for me to learn – but it’s one I carry with me into the depths of my being and a message I try to share with others through my family and work in ministry.
We all need to know we are unconditionally loved, apart from the pressure of performance.
This busy season of life has changed my relationship with God a lot. From quietly seeking to understand him to sharing his love with others through an increasing about outreach. It’s not easy, but it is deeply rewarding. I feel like the Holy Spirit is bringing me full circle – back into the active life I longed for when I had so much inner healing work to do but with the freeing perspective of deeply knowing my worth apart from external validation, a lesson I hope to pass along as a gift to as many people as possible, far more important than music or sports or anything else we can do.
Similar to receiving consolations deep in the quiet simplicity of prayer, I am sometimes blessed with special moments of experiencing God’s presence in chaotic whirl of my busy life, like discovering my son’s amazing singing voice or seeing a young person encounter Christ’s love through my work in ministry.
I love hearing my son sing, but if he loses his voice tomorrow – his worth won’t change in my eyes, period. My love for him is unshakable because it’s rooted in God’s love, which is foundational to my sense of being in the world. And, I know my worth is not in any of the work I do in or outside of the home -it’s inherent in my being as a child of God, without question.
The Holy Spirit’s song really is in every created thing – in our imperfections and our gifts, in our laughter and our tears; in the sheltered grade school where the kids grew up as part of the Catholic community and the inner city high school where they’ve learned about the arts and expanded their sense of community to include more diversity.
God is in the silence of contemplative prayer and the chaos of a busy family life that includes working outside of the home. God is in the genuine love and care of educators, family members, friends and countless inspirational people in the communities I am blessed to be a part of.
God is in the kids with extraordinary gifts and talents that shine for all to see and the kids with disabilities, who shine more quietly in a way that only a few are blessed to see.
God is in the miracles and the mistakes and the opportunities to keep growing through every season of life.
God is. He just is, a fact of life we can count on – an ever present spirit of love and miracles, whether we notice his presence or not. We need only to have ears to hear the beauty of his music rising up all around us.
When we’re given the grace to hear the music of his presence (even for a moment like I was at my son’s voice lesson), we are very lucky and should find ways to share that gift with others, which is what I’m trying to do with this post. So, my question remains:
Do you ever have a moment when the heavens reach down and let you know you’re not alone?
If you can’t think of anything, simply remember a time you had the goosebumps, felt overwhelming love and gratitude for a special person in your life, were able to help someone or felt mercifully unconditionally loved in spite of your imperfections, and give God the credit for that moment. Truly, “we love because he first loved us.”
If you want to hear song of the Spirit in our noisy world, simply take a moment to tune in, and listen.
God, help us to hear your voice and know you are with us – in good times and bad – in our talents and imperfections, in all aspects of our journey through life and the very essence of our being. Help us to learn to love you above all things and entrust everything we hold most dear into your loving care, that we can live lives of Holy Surrender and glorify you to the best of our abilities.
In Jesus name, we pray. Amen.
written by Nicky Gant for http://www.uniteinprayer.org