When the darkness came,
I gave away
my Light –

it exploded
out of my heart
like a million stars –

I wanted
to make the night
more bearable
somehow
for all the other
travelers out there …

I didn’t realize
how empty I’d feel
with my spirit
dispersed
over miles and miles –

I didn’t realize
how much I would miss
the most valuable
part of myself,

how I would wonder
if all the tiny gems
that meant so much to me
were even bright enough
to illuminate
anyone else’s path
anyway.

Now I’m calling back
all the splintered pieces
of my best intentions.

Now I am gathering as much
of my radiance
as I can
inside of myself,
I want to see
how brightly I can shine
when I’m whole,
how much I can grow …

I want to love and pray and give
from a place of extravagance
like the sun,
lit by a power
much greater than myself

I want
to reflect
on the moon,
to light up the night
without losing myself –

don’t we all?

In a million different ways, my journey has always been from my natural tendency as a people pleaser into becoming a Spirit-of-the-Living God pleaser. I’m continually led deeper down this road into a sense of freedom and spiritual connection, serving others in the way I’m called to, rather than being controlled by society expectations or opinions of the people around me.

Recently, I had a revelation of how I (still after all these years of genuine transformation) tend to value others above myself and allow my work and especially emotional/spiritual labor (the hardest kind!) to be devalued and taken for granted.

By nature, I am generous and give freely of myself from a deep place of heart and soul. My ministry is mercy, and I don’t ever want to change that about myself! That’s who I am created to be. But – I do need healthy boundaries about when I give, while also having space to care for my own needs, otherwise I wind up drained and depleted, resentful and heartbroken.

Basically, I decided that even though I am a generous person, I will not allow myself to be pillaged or controlled by others, who are thinking of their own needs, rather than God’s plan which includes everyone’s needs including my own.

I believe God wants us to be whole and give from a place of wholeness, channeling His love and graces to others, rather than being used as a crutch for others, who don’t want to do the hard inner work of personal growth for themselves.

So again, I am choosing to refocusing my energy on living God’s plan for my life, pulling back into prayer and pouring energy into projects, which empower me to serve others, while guarding my own heart, value and vocation.

Do you ever feel spread too thin or taken advantage of? Do you need help bringing yourself back into the heart of your calling directly from God, instead of being pulled in a million different directions by people? Comment below, and I’ll be delighted to keep you in my prayers.

Lord help us to realize who we are as Your children. Help us to value ourselves as much as You value us, so we can live from a place of wholeness and give from a place of overflowing abundance, rather than being depleted gradually over time. Help us to trust that You truly care for us and want to fulfill our needs, so we can give from a place of abundance. In Jesus name, we pray. Amen.

written by Nicky Gant for http://www.uniteinprayer.org 10/24/2020